CB’s House of Porn and Pancakes

The week had been pretty tame for me, I was really looking forward to Friday so I could get out of dodge for a few days and enjoy the last Memorial Day down at the Lake of the Ozarks. We’ve had a place down there for about 26 yrs or so. I remember the Lake back in the day, when you could have an 18ft boat and that was big enough to take out on the lake, now if you don’t have at least a 35 ft boat, you are going to get swamped, the main channel is to rough and to many drunken mullets screaming up and down the lake with little regard for their fellow boaters……. Back then you had to drive miles and miles just for groceries, now grocery stores are everywhere, along with the Applebee’s, Chili’s, Wal-Mart, Pasta House and Imo’s…… Traffic has gotten ridiculous and bikers are plentiful, sadly not as plentiful as the biker babes……. The weather was ok, we got the boat out for a bit on Saturday, but ran smack into a rain cloud that ended that trip…….. All in all good times though.

I drove back Sunday afternoon so I could hit the Washington Ave Beat Fest, like the Ozarks I had been going to this since back in the day and much like the Ozarks it has changed over the years, granted Beat Fest hasn’t been overrun with suburbia, but many of the main bars that were the initial driving force behind it have faded away over time. Many of the other bars that always participated are now gone, some due to financial owes, others to drugs and others just got booted because the developer wanted to put in some high end retail space that never quite materialized…….. In it’s hayday Washington Ave was booming with activity, club kids in lines or bouncing from bar to bar, at one time there was 10 bars to choose from, now there are significantly less…….. I have to hand it to B.I.G. for putting on a great Beat Fest! Everyone in my group all said this was one of the best Beat Fests they can remember and also how DJ Rap put on one of the best shows seen at Velvet. I’ve seen a ton of DJ’s at Velvet over the years, I do have to say DJ Rap is #2, Lazy Dog is still #1 with me (happy Syn?) Most of my group ended up on the dance floor, dancing like idiots of course…….

There wasn’t a lot of venues to work with, but the ones that participated had some great talent. Unfortunately I missed out on Hot House Sessions at Rue. Lotus I think will be a great bar, it’s the same size as Lo, a lot brighter now, has windows, but the bar was mobbed and we couldn’t get any drinks, we headed to Velvet after that. I’ll have to check it out again before I pass any judgement either way on it………

After we closed down Velvet we did what we thought was natural, we went east…….. to the Casino Queen. I got worked over pretty bad on Roulette and ended up making a nice donation to the youth of the State of Illinois….. Finally got home around 5am…….

“I’m the Lord Jesus Christ, I’m going to get drunk and beat up some midgets!”

– Tom Tucker, Family Guy

This has been around for awhile, but still is funny none the less!

http://www.milkandcookies.com/stuff/triumphvsw.asx

This was an odd weekend for me, first weekend in a long time where I didn’t end up at some sort of bar…….. Friday night I had a graduation party for my friend’s wife, she got her PhD (I kept calling it her “phud”) from Wash U, so she is indeed a smart kid…… The party was great, good crowd, good food, cold beer and most importantly 125 lbs of cooked and chilled craw fish…… Now I have never been a coinsurer of craw fish, I have never had anything against them, just never really tried them. After some instruction from the host, I dove in and tried the craw fish, by the time I had finished I swear I ate about 10 lbs worth! They were awesome, and I only almost ate the shell/legs about 3 times………. That was the only stop I had that night. All in all a good night.

Saturday I was up early and had to hit the mall because I had only a few hours to get a gift for an engagement party I had to attend that afternoon. I found the gift quickly, I opted for 2 things from the Smart Bar line, a smart giger, which had an LCD display that gave you drinks and what ingredients you need. The other thing I got was these wine glass “charms”, essentially they are LCD lights (different colors), you put them around the stem of your wine glass so you never lose your drink. I put the gifts into a Scooby Doo Mystery Machine gift bag, why you ask? because I can………. The party was a blast, good food, good people and of course a good amount of booze…… The red headed devil made her signature orange garnished nectar that was my down fall that night (as other nights)……… I got roped into playing a game of Washers, no one believed me that growing up in the “ghetto” of Ladue I had honed my washers skills…….. After washers, a game of Taboo was forming, I ended up playing an eternal game of pool (partly to avoid Taboo) because well after my 1000th glass of that nectar, my focus/cordination wasn’t very good……… But somehow when you are playing washers, that makes you a better player…… After pool was over, I hung outside with others watching the Taboo game. The red headed devil had somehow gotten the Sara(h) trifecta on her team, if you don’t know what I’m talking about, she literally got Sara, Sara and Sarah on her team and pretty much ran the table……. Spectating the game was fun because it was like a live version of Mad Lib for me…….. you may be confused, but here’s how it went:

Red Headed Devil: You give this to someone when you want them to do something
Me and Greg at the same time: GHB!
Red Headed Devil: This is something someone takes when you force them to do something
Me and Greg at the same: GHB!

We were essentially given a time out…………

The groom to be chimed in with “When you were 21, would you ever think years later you would be sitting on a patio, around a fire watching people play Taboo?”

He had a point, we have matured, but really not that much………

The party started at 3pm, I got there about 3:30pm, I finally left around 12am and the party was still going, all in all good times.

Sunday brought yet another day of parties. It was my sister’s graduation party, she got her MBA from Webster and it was also her daughter’s 1st bday. Being the good brother/uncle that I am, I volunteered to help set up for the party early in the morning. The party was good, it was at the Alumni House at Webster, we were mostly inside because the weather was a little to hot to be outside. I got home about 2:30pm, watched Team America movie, which by the way is absolutely hysterical! I got ready for the second party of the day, The Longest Yard Premiere party at the City Museum.

The party was a lot of fun and I stayed out later than I thought. We got down there and headed for the bar. I get a Sidecar, not realizing that it contains Henessey, I’m thinking “This may leave a mark………” After I downed that, I switch to Pimp Juice and Kettle One, which is a very nice GREEN drink……. I drank that the rest of the night. They had a silent auction for charity, I got outbidded on one item and won on the other. Some celebs on hand were Marshal Faulk, Stephen Jackson, Torry Holt and most of the Lunatics. We ended up staying later than originally thought, but I knew it was about time to go when the Doc was walking behind me, fell into me while I was walking down the steps…….. Always the mark of a good party! Woke up today around 5am, couldn’t fall back asleep, watched TV until I fell back asleep just in time for my alarm to go off, son of a…….

So I found two links that I found necessary to pass along, the first is a music one, many of you may be familiar with DJ Sneak, a funky house Chicago DJ, he’s coming to Velvet in a few weeks, I found a promo link of his new stuff, it has been ages since I’ve listened to Sneak, but he’s worth checking out:

http://www.digibag.com/streaming/retail_mixes/sneak/wimpy.php

The second link is just twisted, it’s a hoax article “allegedly” put out by the BBC, if that were the case, the address line would be different, but still world a read for a chuckle, enjoy!

http://www.perfect.co.uk/robin/2005/05/lionvsmidgets.htm

http://cbs.sportsline.com/mlb/story/8480093

Good to see the Cards getting some respect, that’s usually reserved for teams that are on a coast of some sort…………

As many of you know, or may not know, I’m a big Acid House fan (or whatever the kids are calling it these days, Deep House, Acid Jazz, etc), I have been listening to The Crystal Method since Vegas hit the stores. I’ve always loved the heavy drums and keyboards in their music and it has the distinctive sound that is their signature. Plus they are big into vices, sin and general debauchery………… I picked up The Crystal Method’s (from here on out will be referred to as TCM because I’m a lazy typer…..) newest CD, Community Service Volume 2. If you aren’t familiar with this CD, it’s just like the first Community Service CD, which is DJ remixes, some of the remixes on this cd include tracks by Hyper (who opens for them a lot), The Doors’ Road House Blues, New Order’s Bizzarre Love Triangle and Smashing Pumpkins’ 1979. It’s a good mix of music from all genres and has that extra TCM spin on it………. It’s worth checking out

I’m sure you are looking at the title and thinking WTF? If you haven’t seen The Producers, then you will be confused, if you have, it should make you chuckle. I saw the show last night, absolutely hysterical! A true Mel Brooks masterpiece! If you aren’t familiar with the show, essentially it’s about 2 producers trying to produce an absolute bomb on broadway so they can embezel the investor money, the show they pick is Springtime for Hitler, A gay Romp with Eva and Adolf. Most shows have slow parts, but not this one, I was throughly entertained. After the show we went to a buddy of mine’s house for a graduation party, they had been drinking since 6pm, we got there around 11 so everyone was good and toasty
I realized a few things last night:

- The Producers lived up to the hype and then some……..
- Show girls dressed in jack boots and short skirts is a hot look
- Mel Brooks is pure genius, not Will Farrell like everyone says…….. (Though John Belushi is still Comedic Genius)
- When you bring a girl around for the first time, make sure your friends don’t:
a) corner her and ask her if she has “any hot single friends” (within the first 20 minutes of meeting her)
b) moon your car as you are driving on the way out
c) show up 5 hrs after everyone has been drinking……..

And sometimes I wonder why I’m still single………. Then again, no I don’t……. Granted it was Friday the 13th………

“I hate dreaming, when you want to sleep, you sleep. There I am laying in my comfortable hotel bed next thing I know, I have to build a go-cart with my ex-landlord. I want to dream of me watching myself sleep………”

So today I awake after a night of drinking feeling like my normal self, not asleep, not super thirsty nor am I cluching the bed because the room is spinning…….. I start my day as normal, checked my fantasy baseball results from last night, my hitting has gone from bunch of near sighted kids swinging at a ball on a t-ball to respectable, but now my pitching is getting worked over like a middle aged bald guy with a wad of cash at a strip club……. Last night Graves got abused and misused, if he keeps this up, he will single handly have a higher ERA than Rick Ankiel…… The good news, I’m still in second. I continue my day, need to go to a meeting in Fenton, pull up the directions on Map Quest, the damn directions say and I quote “take THE exit”, now granted I haven’t been to Fenton in a long time, but last time I was there the exits were labeled with actual street names, not prepositions……… (Plus I still haven’t forgiven Map Quest for misleading me daily in Seattle……) I figure whoever did this set of directions was probably someone trying to earn some cash to support their habit whatever that may be……. I digress, so I call the please, get directions and head to my car. I open the garage door, SON OF A…… there’s an f’n delivery truck blocking where I normally pull back out to and luck would have it, the driver is no where to be found. A few attempts at backing out result in nothing except providing entertainment for neighbors watching me a) almost hit the truck b) almost wreck me car. The inner (and humilated) voice advises that I try swinging the car the other direction, SUCCESS! I rule and I’m only partly an idiot……. Driving down the alley I try to put my sunglasses on, hit a bump, the end of the sunglasses pokes me right in the eye…….. Thankfully not much else has happened to me today……….