CB’s House of Porn and Pancakes

I’ve found myself glued to the tv the past couple of days, starting on Sunday, I couldn’t sleep well, my allergies were bothering me, I woke up around 4am, couldn’t fall back asleep, so I flipped on Fox to see the reports of New Orleans. They had some wild footage of the storm and it looked like the city might be ok, power was on and the pumps were still going so the streets weren’t flooding. At work, everything changed. The storm surge hit, levees broke, power went out, looting and chaos insued……… It’s sad watching the footage, New Orleans is like Vegas to me, great times, been there many a time for Mardi Gras, Jazz Fest, a wedding, Sabhawal-a-Polozza and Superbowl (at the Superdome). It saddened to see the streets once teeming with partiers, out of towners and people just seeking good times…… Now it has been reduced to a war zone, most of the areas are unrecognizable and underwater….. New Orleans may never be the same, they are essentially starting from scratch……. A lot of historical homes destroyed, all the infrastructure is gone. Even worse than the loss of the Crescent City is what happened in Gulf Port and the surrounding areas, THE LOSS OF THE CASINOS!!!! If you get the chance, go to http://www.nola.com and look at the area reports, most things list whole buildings and neighborhoods that are completely gone……. The Hard Rock Casino was set to open next week and is 50% destroyed, they never had a chance to get any suckers money……..

But seriously, the economic (loss of New Orleans, industrial centers, oil refineries, etc) and social (all the homeless people, basic services gone and the biggest, the mass deaths) fall out will last for months……. Be sure to help out however you can, donate money, old clothes, blood, whatever you think would be appropiate………

Here are some links:

http://www.nola.com/

https://secure2.convio.net/arc/site/Donation?ACTION=SHOW_DONATION_OPTIONS&CAMPAIGN_ID=1161 (Donation Page for Red Cross)

http://www.redcross.org/index.html

Be sure to do your part, everyone needs to lend a hand…….

Yes kids, that’s right, I’m back, back to the antics and back to writing, so sit back, this one is a doozy……..

So it had been a long and hellish couple of weeks for me, sense my absence from writing on here, so Friday night Panda (named changed to protect the not so innocent and definately involved) called me to say he was up at Sub Zero, I was thinking “I’ll swing up for some drinks…..” Little did I know what lay ahead………

So I bounce on up to Sub Zero, good crowd there as usual, LOTS of eye candy. The dj spinning had a good mix, covered a lot of genres and still find a way to drop in the Owner of a Lonely Heart remix by Max Grahm……. So I’m sitting at the bar with Panda, this little blonde that was eyeing him walks over to us (keep in mind she’s with a guy), so she makes small talk to us, wants to put her drink on the ice bar, what do I care, her boobs rub against me briefly…… So the chair next to me opens up, so she sits next to me and says “I’m going to sit next to you so I can harass you” I respond, “I’m thrilled.” So she asks me if I’m married, I say “No”, she asks if I’m gay, “I say no and I have the time to prove it.” (I had been drinking vodka, so what if the guy she was with was standing right next to her was way bigger than me, I was with Panda) So she then proceeds to ask me what kind of girls I like, do I want to get married, have kids, etc. Thinking I’ve suddenly wanded onto the dating show I begin to think “This is a start to an F’d up night…….” She goes on about she was trying to think of some of her friends she could set me up with…… My thoughts turn to “You don’t even know me…….” But the deal breaker was that I wanted to eventually get married and have kids, yes that’s right, I’m the a-hole…. (sorry, Swingers moment) So Panda’s friends show up, 4 drinks and a couple shots later we decide to head to Eau, me and Panda stop off at Bar Italia briefly to see if some of our friends are there, they aren’t, so we go to Eau. More drinks there and some nice eye candy, Sebastian shows up after he got off work. Panda and his friends are going to Lucas Park, at this point I can’t see, so I agree to go there….. Hung out there for a bit, everyone was heading to Pepper Lounge, I slammed my drink and staggered out the door. We head to Pepper, Sebastian asks if I want to go to Pepper or go “somewhere else.” I say “Ok, let’s go east.” (Again, hellish last couple of weeks…..) We drop Panda off, he says he’ll call us when he goes over there. I recommend the Rox because it’s been an enternity since I’ve been anywhere over there. Sebastian was set on going to PT’s Centerville, he said it would be cool. It was so cool, we were there for 10 min. Though in that time, I had 2 strippers say I was “so cute.” Loosely translated, you have all your teeth and look like you have some money to spend……. We leave, destination, Brooklyn, ah finally the Rox…….. We pull into the parking lot, only to see a hooker talking to two guys in a pickup truck, that should have been warning #2 that I should have called it a night and gone home…… Sebastian is dead set on going to Platinum, I hate Platinum, so I go to the Rox. Yeah we split up to go to the strip clubs, what? I enjoy the ballet, Sebastian shows up at the Rox and wants to go next door, ok, fine I’ll go next door. He fancies a good looking gal, she’s at the stage dancing, he sits down, I figure “what the hell, when in Rome, be Italian…….” She does her dance for me, I notice an accent when she talks, I ask what it is, she says Polish/Dutch, I can honestly say I’ve never heard that combo before……… Sebastian talks to her and agrees to help out the local economy by spending his hard earned money…… He disappears for a long time, by this time my drunkess is cleared and the hangover has set in. If you’ve never been awake when the hangover sets in, it SUCKS!!! Most of my money ended up in g-strings next door, I think I have only a dollar left, fishing it out, SWEET! It’s a 10 dollar bill! I can get my $5 soda and should have enough for a hamburger grilling outside…… So Sebastian finally emerges, dishelved and complained that “she wanted to talk a lot.” But apparently she wanted his number, so he gets a pen and writes it in match book. He needs to discretly give it to her. She’s getting up on stage for the last set of the night, yes, at this point it’s about 5:45 am……….. I tell him to go over there, put the book under a dollar bill…… He ends up staying for all 3 songs…… SON OF A……. my head hurts and the wolves are after me…….. So he says he’s going to get 1 more private from her. The bouncers are clearing everyone out that is getting a private, I ask “He’s my ride, can I wait in here.” They say no, I don’t complain, I’ve seen the movie Go before……… So I wait outside, the sun is cresting over the horizon to revel the dredges of society spilling out of the strip clubs around me. The charred remains of the porn store next to Platinum is errie. Some random dude walks out and starts talking to me about how he’s taking a stripper home, yada yada yada…. I’m thinking to myself, “Yeah, yeah, good luck with that” The bouncer walks out and informs the guy that she isn’t going home with him….. On the inside I’m laughing, on the outside I’m not, he’s bigger than me….. he leaves. I realize that the one song he was getting a lap for should have been over, 10 minutes ago……..

I send the text message:

Dude, wtf, are you getting some or what??

No response

So the crowds start clearing out, beat up cars are driving by with unsavory guys inside, I feel like a fat zebra with no legs laying in a lions den, if I make it out alive, some one is watching out for me…….. Near by I hear a distinctive POP sound…….. I’m like, HOLY CRAP! That was a gun shot, then I thought, nah, I must still be drunk, then I hear the second shot. I madly text Sebastian:

Get the f’ out here!!! I hear gun shots!!!

I knew I should have gone with Tito tonight……….

At this point I move to the glassed in entrance of Platinum. A cab pulls up, I’m thinking of just taking that…… Suddenly Sebastian walks out, deshelved. I’m like, “Let’s get the f’ out of here”, he’s like “calm down, you didn’t hear gun shots”He explains he had to get some money out of the ATM, but it wasn’t working, so he had to go to the bar and there’s this whole process to get cash from the bar, hence the long time I had to wait outside. Just then, 2 cop cars come whipping around the corner, lights and sirens going, full speed and screech right up the street……… He’s like “Damn, sorry, let’s get the hell out of here!” Driving to the highway, we have to pass by all the tranny hookers and then there’s something I’ve never seen, a hooker with a leg cast and crutches…… I think that capped off my night/morning, I don’t know where the hell I am anymore, I have been up for 24hrs straight……. Finally got home at 7am……. Slept for a few hours, got up and went to a wedding and then the reception later on…… Oh what a weekend……….

“Alcoholism is a disease, but it’s the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis… one of those two doesn’t sound right.”

It’s my blog, I’m entitled to political rants periodically, this one always gets me going………

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8863425/

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8871545/

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,165124,00.html