CB’s House of Porn and Pancakes

So much to the Southy’s dismay, I was a good kid and stayed in on Thursday night. Savvy was having computer issues, so I spent most of the evening fixing his laptop and by the time I was done, it was around 10, f’ it, I’m staying in because this weekend is jammed….. So Friday rolls around, worked until about 6, leave, hit the streets of downtown, it’s a ghost town, everyone took off work hours ago, God, I’m a loser……… Friday night I was planning on staying in, long couple of weeks, I need a break. I got a couple of DVD’s from Netflix, unfortunately “Crackheads Gone Wild” wasn’t available so I got Sin City and A Bridge To Far…… Sitting at home, watching the Cards game, phone rings, it’s the nurse and the teacher, they want me to come to a house party Tea Bag is throwin. Damnit, I want to stay in. I say let me eat dinner first, I’ll think about it….. Thinking that was good enough, son of a……. They call again…. I have the image of Fry from “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” where he says “They’ll keep calling and calling……..” So I get directions from Tea Bag and start over to his place. I was given a round about way to get there, it’s all good, but I realized midway over, Son of a…….. I could have taken this and saved myself about 10 minutes…….. I arrive to hear Tex doing his best impression of Poison, only screaming it Rock Star style in the basement……. Oh this should be an interesting night……. Pretty low key, just hung out in A town, home by midnight. Was entertained by a drunken Tex, told stories of when me and Tex lived together, he was pretty much a straight arrow, studied all the time, never went out, that was mostly because he had a pretty controlling gf….. The next year after living with me, he broke up with his gf, was going out nightly, drinking like a fish and gambling like crazy. My work was done, time for the next victim…… (Sidenote: I had another roommate with a similiar situation, same ending……. In my defense, I never set out to change anyone, but I guess their gfs drove them to it……. ) Home by midnight, I can the echo of Tex’s rendition of “Sweet Child of Mine” as I drift off to sleep…. Saturday arrives with me doing stuff I had been putting off for a month or so…. Late afternoon had a bachelor party to go to. I arrive at the house where we were meeting, the rest of the guys had been drinking since noon and were “Trying to sober up enough to drive to dinner” Oh boy, this will be an interesting night…. They were talking about the 32 yr old single mother next door and her 16 yr daughter laying out sunbathing and swimming most of the day. Damnit, I miss all the cool things….. Uh, did I just say that out loud? We finally find guys capapble of driving to dinner, we go to India Palace, really good food, unfortunately one of the guys had to much to drink and spent most of dinner in the bathroom, thinking he was going to hurl, didn’t. He went home after dinner. One man down, we head to Bottleworks for more beer. I must say I felt really sorry for the poor girl behind the bar, because there were some really f’d up conversations. Course all sorts of smart ass comments got her to laugh so hard she snorted, three times, a new record! After Bottleworks, the party decided to head back to Ballwin to keep drinking, seeing I was about 10 minutes from home, I headed back to the friendly confines of the CWE. Sent out a text to everyone to see who was still out. Panda was working at Sub Zero, dropped by there, got a Dirty Martini and hung out there for a bit. Got a text from the doc, he was at Luna. Wandered over there, had another cocktail, doc was with his brother and sister in law. They told us of a party next door to him, these guys were getting evicted and throwing a huge party. It was a college party, sweet! We go there, we are by far the oldest there by at least a decade, again, sweet. Hang out there for a bit, most there thought we were “24″, yeah go with that. Doc wants to cross the pond, sure it’s been a long time since I’ve smelled like cotton candy, why not. On the way over, Doc texts Jen, “Going East.” I text Jen “Have you heard from Doc? I lost him!” She replies “He said he is going east” I sent back “I know, I’m sitting right next to him” Yeah we are immature, but fun none the less…. Go to the Rox, lots of tattoo’d girls, next door, not much better, 64 East downright scary. Called it a night, wasn’t an official SOS night. Damn I’m getting to old for this. Page sent to Doc’s friend, Jen, “Guess how many boobs I saw? 15! Good night!” Yeah, I’m a keeper…….. Sunday was Finny’s surprise 30th bday party during the day. Good times, got to catch up with a lot of people I hadn’t seen since college. My one friend Henderson, hadn’t seen her in about 10 yrs, talked to her a little on email over the years, see her there with her husband and 2 kids, she was filling up a formula bottle I commented “Funny, last time I saw you, you had a different bottle in your hand…. oh how we grow up……” That night was Pepper Lounge’s 4th Anniversay Party. Big bash, packed house, Big D working the 1’s and 2’s all night. He had a great mix of hip hop, house and retro. The usual suspects were out in force, I was on the dance floor a lot that night, keeping guys away from the nurse and the teacher. Sweaty mess and tired, I was ready to call it a night. Monday brought my Dad’s bday, went to my parent’s house, swam, great dinner and got to hang out with my nieces and nephew. They pretty much wore me out! All in all good times, looking forward to not doing a whole lot this week, Rescue Me starts up Tuesday night, sweet! Also have L’s bday happy hour Tuesday, hooray for beer! After that, I’m not doing anything…….

I wrote you earlier (see earlier post in archives), thankfully you listened a little and put an end to the Ben Aflleck/Jo Lo movies, I am forever grateful. Though for some reason you keep giving Afleck more work, please stop. Additionally I have another complaint, please don’t bill something as “The scariest movie ever made” such as you did for Hostel. I grew up with the slasher movies and most of the great horror movies. Hostel was mostly boring, I called it midway through what was going on. Where’s my gold star or cookie? It was gory, but that’s about all it had going for it. Additionally please be original, this is the summer of sequels, with the exception of only a few movies. Can you come up with something original? Thank you for not listening and over charging at the box office, you and the record industry must be best friends

So I was walking my dog tonight, ran into a guy walking a husky mix. He stopped asked if my dog was friendly I said “Yes, she loves other dogs.” He said “Same here” Keep in mind my dog plays regularly with 2 labs and a pitbull, she can rough house if need be. So she’s sniffing the other dog, her ears were relaxed, but the other dog didn’t look right, before I could pull her away, the other dog snapped, snarled and lashed out. before I could do anything, the hackles on Bailey’s back flew up and she pounced on the dog taking it to the ground, she backed off when I snapped the collar and recalled her with my voice, the guy was having trouble controlling his dog, but Bailey was out of striking distance but still lunging, snarling and snapping herself, I commanded her to stop, she stopped and her ears dropped. So I took her away, the guy was said “Sorry” I just walked away. I look up and everyone is looking at us, I’m thinking “Great, my dog looks like the A-hole, yet didn’t do anything but defend herself.” She was a little jumpy the rest of the walk, when I car door would close, she would spin around to see what that noise was……. What was interesting was the fact she’s been nipped at and bitten a few times by smaller dogs but never really did much, this dog was bigger and she went right after it, I guess she knew she had to defend herself.

So the week was chalked full of activities, I received word from the dancing queen, she did in fact break her ass, broken tail bone, ouch! (see previous post) Happy Hour Monday, Cardinals Game Tuesday (with a two hour rain delay), Wednesday was my brother’s reheresal dinner. Typical Irish reheresal dinner, lots of toasts, I got called up to do a toast or saying something. I hadn’t had time to prepare anything so I shot from the hip, it went a little something like this “Angela, one word for you, SUCKER!” Lots of chuckles and a few good lucks and other words, I’m off the hook. Thursday brought Manger and the future Mrs Manger to town, they were crashing at my place, so when they arrived, we dropped off their stuff and headed to Luna. If you aren’t familiar Luna on Thursday nights, it’s international night, good crowd, world beats bumping on the system and of course a belly dancer, how can you go wrong with that?? We have a cocktail, we were going to go to Maryland House, but the future Mrs Manger had taken some pills and mixed with the alcohol gave her a 1 - 2 punch that made her slurry mc slur on the walk home. It’s all good though, it was entertainment for the walk home…. Friday brought my brother’s wedding in the evening, I worked a half day and then went to my parent’s house to change into my tux and go to get pictures taken with the wedding party. In DC we had joked about not having to wear cummerbunds, I commented “I haven’t worn one in years, thank God for that!” I look at the tux my brother got, son of a, I have to cummerbund! Great, I’ll look like a waiter, Hello my name is Chris, let me tell you our specials tonight……… Anyway it seemed anything that could go wrong, did, the flowers had problems, the zipper on the bride’s dress was jammed and a limo broke down. But even with all that, the ceremony went off without a hitch. Ditto with the reception. The reception went off without a hitch, I got an open bar that was all high end stuff and got to smoke one of my Cuban Cigars, which is infact better than air…….. Everyone referred to my date, the teacher as my future finance. I hate you all. The reception lasted until almost midnight, I meet up with a bunch of the guys that were in from out of town for GQ’s St Louis wedding. They were down at Sub Zero, my home away from home Vodka Bar. They were destroyed, apparently 8 people drank 3 bottles worth of Grey Goose…. and you could tell! I walked up, Mabry was like “Chris f’n Brenna, F’ You! I don’t know her, but f’ her!” Then he busts into “Let’s hug it out bitch!” Starts bear hugging me. Ackward. Everyone made waiter references to me, which was funny for the first 10 minutes…… After Sub Zero we headed to the Berg, TT was working and hooked us up with hella food! Gurt was working behind the bar, she asked why I was wearing a tux, I told her I quit my job and now waiting tables, “Really?” was the response…….. No, I explained it was my brother’s wedding, etc. Mabry was in bad shape, pretty much yelling E-UUUUU-ROPE at the toilet. Never good…….
A few bud selects, some toasted ravs and some wings, I’m ready to call it a night. Drop the teacher off at her car and go home. Saturday no tux required, just a suit, there is a God! I go to pick up my date, The King of Germany (you might have to think a little about that one), she was staying at her sister’s place, I sort of remember where that was, so I get directions, she says “Go right on Wydown”, didn’t sound right, but what do I know, I usually just wander until I find what I’m looking for. Driving up Wydown, I hit Hanley and do not see the street I need, I call, I’m told, “Go under the metrolink……” That’s when I said, “So I want Forsyth instead of Wydown?” Long pause, “Yes” Son of a…….. a quick turn around I get to where I need to be. Went to the ceremony, this was a Hindu ceremony , very interesting and the perfect finale to my week of cultural diversity. A methodist ceremony in DC, a Catholic ceremony for my brother and now a Hindu ceremony. There were a lot of old friends that came in for the ceremony, it was great catching up with them. I got to meet Timmy Two Couchs new gf, I had to share some great (and harmless) Tim moments from college……… Post ceremony before dinner we had appetizers, drinks and an Amitus Beerus sighting, I was able to capture a picture before he ran off……. Many great pics and Mabry challenging me to a Break Dance Off on the dance floor, it was time for American Pie, a SigEp tradition and the end of the reception. Post party was the usual antics, good times, the doc challenging me to play quarters or chandellaires, his date said she had been practicing slamming drinks but I was beat and had to operate heavy machinery…….. 2 receptions, back to back, I was throwing the towel in…….
Sunday I spent taking the Southy around St Louis as her flight was leaving that evening. So it only 31 yrs and an out of towner to finally go up the Arch…….. It’s not a fear of it, it was everytime we tried to go the lines were ridiculous, stupid out of towners……. This time it wasn’t bad, went up to the top, thank God neither of us were clousterphobic, I’ve seen pics of the elevators, but holy crap was that a confined space! It looked like the egg ship from Mork andMindy……. Snapped some cool pics and pointed out some of the sites of the city. Took a quick drive tour through other parts and got her to the airport on time. I mooched dinner of my parent’s, came home, watched the Sopranos and fell asleep on the couch. All in all, a long but good weekend!

So I fly out to DC two weekends ago for my buddy GQ’s wedding. The usual suspects fly out, The Mad Deeznutzer, Sabastian and TT. Me and TT are on one flight and we fly into Reagan National Airport, while the rest of the group goes to Dulles. Me and TT drop our stuff off at Manger’s and run around the sites for a bit. We hit the Air & Space Museum (”There’s no Air in Space!” Ah Homer, where would we be without your insight…….) After Air and Space, went and saw the Hope Diamond and other monuments. We made it back to Manger’s, changed and he picked us up for the reheresal dinner. We head to the church, meet who we are going to be paired up with for the ceremony, some of the girls weren’t in town yet, I was paired up with Southy, go through the motions of the reheresal and went to the dinner. Post dinner we ended up at a hukah bar near Manger’s. That’s pretty much where the wheels came off for the evening! We order 3 pitchers of Sangaria and 2 hukah’s. The Sangaria arrives in large and disturbingly used Voss water bottles, you know the big cylindar ones……. Me and TT look at each other kind of like “uh, that doesn’t look sanitry” But F’ it, I’m on vacation! We rip through that Sangaria and order more, F’ it, I’m on vacation! The Apple hukah was burning pretty hot and would make you gag when you smoked it, the mango was better than air….. (but not as good as a cuban cigar) I seemed to lose treat of time, The lone star sitting next to me was getting rocked by the sangaria and asked “what’s in this hukah, I’m getting f’d up” my reply was “just flavored tobacco” My stupid poses for picks involving middle fingers and a few “brain” appearances it was time to go……. In my drunkeness my phone fell out of my pocket, TT got it, but didn’t tell me, he wanted to see me freak out and start madly looking for my phone, by then I was about 18 sheets to the wind and couldn’t feel my feet, like I’m going to miss my phone……. To the car and then to Manger’s, TT finally gives me my phone back . I was like “eh, I would have found it missing when I got upstairs and would have told Manger I needed to go back to the bar……” Next day brought me waking up to a blast of sunlight through the blinds early. TT was sleeping on the couch infront of the tv, so I surfed the internet until everyone else woke up and we headed to breakfast. Ah sweet breakfast, greasy food makes the pain of a hangover go away…… The waiter comes over to see what we want, OJ says Manger, Diet Coke says TT, Coke I say. The waiter looks at me and says OJ? No I say, Coke. Oh he says. He comes back with two OJ’s and one coke. TT tells him Diet Coke, I don’t know if he got a commision for every OJ was ordered or what….. A denver omlet and a pile of toast later, I’m about 99% back to normal, I just have this lingering smell of mangos in my nostrils from last night….. We go to get some liquor for the festivities that afternoon/evening and head back to Manger’s to put on our tuxes. Ah the tuxes, TT’s pants were 3″ to short, mine were 3″ to long, it seemed like no one’s fit….. Dressed, booze in hand we are ready to leave, one problem, the future Mrs Manger was not back from her hair appointment. She’s running massively late due to getting caught at the salon by a really slow hair dresser. She gets to Manger’s, I see a flash run by and I swear to God she was dressed in about 30 seconds, it was ridiculously fast and ridicuclously cool!!! Running late I call GQ and tell him what’s going on, we are running late, be there when we can. He said that’s fine. We are zipping along, run into traffic and a parade, DAMNIT! Manger gets in a right turn only lane and guns it because most of the cars in the left lane are turning left, as we get to the intersection, luck would have it, a car in the left lane is going straight, not left, so Manger does what anyone would do, gun it and cuts off the car. Normally that’s fine, in this case, it was an unmarked Virginia Police Car! Son of a……. The cop gets out of the car, almost shaking from anger, my first thought, “We are all going to jail, he is pissed!!!” He went on to tell us what we did wrong, not turning right, using a bicycle lane to drive in when it was marked and had parking meters and essentially cutting him off. 20 minutes, a ticket and a lecture later we are on our way….. We get to the hotel without incident after that. Get to the church for pictures, very odd poses, let’s say “Jazz hands” was the theme……. Wedding went off without a hitch, reception was a blast, the highlight of the evening would have to be when the dancing queen caught the baquet, it was pretty much arranged, we as a group determined that the dancing queen and Sabastian would get the baquet and garter respectively. Hey, what are friends for. So I enlisted the help of Southy to stand behind the dancing queen, so did most of the girls. Baquet flew in the air, dancing queen broke for it, feet went out from under her and she smacked hard onto the ground. All she could do was laugh, say “I broke my ass!” scramble and still got the flowers! Now that is a real trooper! Even funnier was Sabastian joked about how he put armour all on the bottom of her shoes so she wouldn’t get the flowers….. I guess he may not have been kidding…… Now it was Sabastian’s turn. We put him from and center, and give him a mighty push as the garter is thrown, he catches it, YEAH! The plan worked! More reason to keep drinking! (The other reason was the bar was still open…..) Sunday was spent running around checking out the sites we hadn’t seen and flew out that night. I get back to the lou in one piece, great pics and great stories………