CB’s House of Porn and Pancakes

Friday arrived, I couldn’t wait for work to be over, I had HUGE plans not to do anything and I was overly excited about it! I stayed in because I needed a break from all the antics that had been going on the past month or so……. Saturday was a trip to the wineries with a bunch of friends. A was going to ride with me out there and we were going to meet Mother Goose and the rest. Well A calls me early in the morning to inform me that she lost her ID, son of a…… They sometimes card out there, so she frantically searches high and low, finally finds it, calls me and says she’s in for going. So I start to head west to meet A so we can leave my car somewhere and head to the wineries in her car because she has a convertible. As I get near where A was, she calls, tells me she needs to find a Walgreen’s to get some sun screen, I say good call because I burn under the florescent lights at work…… Ahead of A on the road, I tell A that I’m going to get off on Highway K, there’s bound to be a Walgreen’s around there somewhere, it’s in the heart of O Town……. Driving through Surburian Hell, I seemed to hit every red light possible, scanning all the strip malls, I don’t seen a Walgreen’s or any sort of convience store, how inconvient…… Some gear head next to me revs his mustang’s engine at me, light turns green, he peels off, “Hey ace, that was cool when you were 16, not when you are 35…….” I’m sure he’ll save up enough to finally move out of his parent’s basement……. Driving way down K, no luck and almost run over by a few pick up trucks (sometimes I really hate this area) I find everything under the sun, but no grocery or convience store, A calls, she stopped at a Mobil station and found sun screen, I tell her I’m going to turn around and head back her way so she can follow me to the lot I’m going to leave my car. Get to Highway N (you know you are out in the boonies when there aren’t street names, just letters……) I turn at the light, look up and start laughing, there’s the f’n Walgreen’s!!! Go back, find A, she follows me, we only had to go up one exit to Highway 94, drop off my car and head to Augusta where the wineries were, sounds easy right? Well apparently there’s an exit for 94 going west, but not east…… I realized this as I was looking for an exit and went under 94……. So across the river to Chesterfield Airport Rd before we can turn around, in the meantime, my cell service goes dead, so I turn into a Comfort Inn to tell A what was up. A recommends I just leave my car there, we can get it post wineries, cool. I leave the car, we drive topless to the wineries, OOOOOOO-LAY! On the way to the wineries, A tells me about the guy she met the other night, how he wanted to do something with her tonight, etc. Said he was playing kickball earlier that day, I thought that was funny and asked “Is he going to play Dungeons and Dragons after kickball” A asked “Is that what you did after kickball?” I said “When I was 11″ Then she asked if I thought that was nerdy if he played kickball with friends, I just explained I was making a joke (I need a drink! that joke crashed and burned!) Mother Goose calls says they are sitting in the covered part of the porch of Balducci Winery, cool I say, will be there shortly. We get there, make a B Line for the tasting room, find some wine we like, buy a bottle and head out to where everyone else was. It was a beautiful day, hot, but we were in the shade at least. Rip through a couple bottles and we decide to head to the biker bars in Defiance, because, well that’s what we always do. The last time I was there with Mother Goose, some big biker guy stepped on his foot by accident, Mother Goose was wearing sandals, the guy apologized and said “You aren’t wearing any shoes, I feel bad, punch me in the face and we’ll call it even” I about spit out my drink when I heard that because I was standing right next to him when it happened. Mother Goose said “Don’t worry about it” We were there for a few beers, decide to go back to Goose’s place to bbq, somehow I’m appointed to get the food and beer, and I’m given a credit card, can you say, sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet! So A drives me to my car, on the drive to my car, A talks about this other guy that she met at just called and how his name is the same as her dad’s and he roughly has the same last name as her, except it’s spelled one letter different, she says “I’m going to marry him” Outstanding, you haven’t gone out wiht him yet and you are making wedding plans, you may want to mention that to him…… I get back to my car, right as these big, strong storms start moving into the area. A has navigation, so she pulls up the closest (or better way to describe it, what it determines as the closest grocery store) A trek through the Chuck, we find the grocery store, at this point, the rain is coming down in torrents….. Pull into the parking lot, park next to A, A is on the phone with that guy she was going on about earlier. She rolls down the window and says “It’s raining, I don’t want to get out of the car……” Son of a…… So after a few minutes it starts to let up, I signal to A I’m getting out of the car to go in and shop. I get out, and decide to be chivilous and wait for A to get out of her car, damnit! She isn’t! Rain picking up, waiting, waiting, screw it, chivilary is dead! I run for the door, I see A running behind me, finally off the phone. We start to shop, A wants to get everything from the deli and everything fresh. I explained it’s an impromptu bbq, we’ve been drinking all day, no one will care….. Finally get the stuff, was going to go to the self check out so I can use Mother Goose’s card, damnit the lanes are closed! Damnit Mother Goose didn’t sign the back of the card! So I use my debit card, no biggie. Start heading to the car, A informs me she lost her keys somewhere in the store, how the f’ did that happen? Put the food/beer in my car, go back in the store with A to look for the keys. Can’t find it, go to the Customer Service desk, thankfully someone turned them in…….. So out to the cars, Goose calls wondering where we are, I tell him, had some navigational issues, A lost her keys, all good now, heading to his house soon…… A says she’s got the addy typed into her nav and I should follow. Start following, rain starting to come down really hard, lightning all over, make it to the highway, go to the on ramp, it was like a water ride, huge log flooms spray up out of my wheel wells, the water crashes down on my windshield blinding me completely, literally I couldn’t see anything at all, I knew I couldn’t a)hit the brakes b) go straight for long because this was a clover leaf entrance ramp, set wipers to warp speed and say a quick prayer after almost wetting myself, I can see again! I see A get on the highway and essentially punch it….. I see her tail lights disappear over the hill…. You have to be kidding me….. So I get on the highway, punch it, start to change lanes, loose control and start to hydroplane. After many shit, oh shit, shit, oh shits and almost eating the median I get the car (and my bowels) under control, no accidents here…… (side note, the only big wreck I’ve been in I hydroplaned into a tree and telephone pole anchor wire when I was 16)
So I call A to see where she is, goes right to voicemail, damnit she’s on the phone….. I call Mother Goose, tell him that A is on the phone so she was dead to me, I needed directions, but the good news is I have the food and beer. Get directions, rain is still coming down really hard, A finally calls, I tell her she’s dead to me, she said “Sorry I drive kind of fast” I told her I gave up trying to keep up when I almost ate the median……. I get to the house without incident, A got there right ahead of me. Fire up the grill, eat some food, drink a little. I got a check for the food, bonus! Mother Goose tells me he has a Cohiba from Cuba, sweet! He asks if I have my cutter, I do not, I tell him use your teeth or a knife. He opts for the knife…… I’m leaning against the sink talking, Goose is right next to me cutting the cigar, suddenly I hear a crack and a klank klank of metal land next to me. Somehow the knife blade broke and whipped about an inch from my back…….. That would have hurt! I don’t know what kind of cigar that was, had a couple draws, decide to call it a night. A said she’s going to head home also. I make it home without incident and try to stay away from sharp objects the rest of the night…….. All in all good times

So I joined Netflix and had to put Crack Heads Gone Wild in my que…… Watched it tonight, to call it f’d up would be an understatement……

So I tried to be good for most of the week by staying in and giving my liver a much, much needed break, with one exception, went “out west” to L’s bday happy hour, which was right down the street from where I used to work, I was expecting to see my old coworkers there, but to my dismay they weren’t there, either they had left already or even worse, are still working….. (at that company, happy hour started at noon sometimes, ah the days working for a start up) The rest of the week was pretty quite, Friday brought the Cubs to town. I had tickets to Friday and Saturday’s game. It would prove to be truly an emotional draining experience…..

Friday day was spent with emails going back and forth between me and friends going to the game, I was in Farn’s seats, TD and Hicks were in the bleachers and some other scattered in other seats. Emails went pretty much like this:

From TD:
I’m about 10 minutes from launch time myself! Buckle your seatbelt, Farns, it’s gonna be one of those nights! Brennan, Hicks and I are on a mission, and you’re along for the ride!!

My reply: