CB’s House of Porn and Pancakes

So the weekend rolled around and it has been some time since I’ve written this, my weekend started on Thursday with viewing the NCAA kick off at Skybox. Watching the games, my brackets were essentially in tact and I was a happy camper, plus I had the ribs there, they were good and the sauce Nelly had help create, really good, not quite Memphis, but still pretty damn good.

Friday arrives, I head to Mandarin for the Big D CD Release Party, I meet Bones, Vince and Co up there. My last night really of not drinking, so I stick to water because well I’ve had enough Sprite that week to sink the frickin’ Titanic. I meet one of Vince’s co-workers, this girl finds out I gave up drinking for Lent, she decides she will make me drink that night by being sly, when I would start to talk, she would try to ram her beer bottle in my mouth, it never worked and I ended up wearing half of the beers…. Being a good wing man, I’m chatting with her friend, she mentions how she feels old, so I ask how old she is (I know, I know, I’m never suppose to ask a lady how old she is, but hey, I wasn’t drinking, I had to entertain myself somehow). 23 she says. Shit I think. She asks how old I am. I ask how old she thinks I am. 26 she says. (sidenote, other 23 and 24 yr old girls I’ve met lately all think I’m 26) Nope. 28? Nope. 29??? Nope? 30?!? Nope. 32?!?!?!?!?!? Yup. She then says, “Oooh, you don’t look 32.” More banter goes on, more beer spills on me as Drunky McDrunk the co-worker keeps trying to pour beer in my mouth, suddenly we see a guy talking to a girl, the guy is on crutches and is missing a leg. I think nothing of it, but the 23 yr old says to me “I could never have sex with a guy with one leg.” Half paying attention “Uh, what?!?” She goes on to say “I wouldn’t know which leg he is putting in me” I made some comment about “Well that’s why you leave the lights on….” Then Drunky McDrunk co-worker chimes in with “I don’t care what is it is, as long as it’s big and hard” I could really use a drink right about now. So over the course of the night I proceed to lose everyone, usually this only happens to me at Mardi Gras, after drinking for 8 hrs, but this night I’m sober and hadn’t moved from where we were….. I run into Cosmo Boy, he’s feeling pretty good, he wants to find Vince and figure out where to go when Mandarin closes. So we end up by the DJ booth, find Vince, find out the 23 yr old and the Drunky McDrunk co-worker left. By this point Vince is slightly inebriated, he got his tab and it was $78, $92 with tip. He was trying to make out what he was charged for, hands me the receipt and says “Here, you are sober, you can read this” Going through the drinks listed he says “Ok, I did order all of those…..” We wander around for a bit, Cosmo Boy orders 2 drinks, hands them to me and tells me to give them to two girls standing near by, so I do, turns out he knew them. We stop and talk to them. Vince joins us, Cosmo Boy wanders off. Vince talking to the one girl, so I try to talk to the other girl. That girl did not want anything to do with me or I’d wager didn’t want to be there in general. She gave me one word answers and kept looking away. Vince leaves to go to the bathroom, the girl he was talking to said, wait here, I’ll be right back. Damnit! So I’m stuck with this girl that isn’t a happy camper and I’m sober, God hates me. So I send a text to Vince and Cosmo Boy that says “You guys suck! Thanks for leaving me with the uninterested one!” Thankfully her friend came back, they said they were going to walk around, I head to find Vince and Cosmo Boy, no luck, it’s wall to wall people and it’s near closing time. So I decide to bail, send those two a text telling them I’m heading out, will catch up with them tomorrow. Cosmo Boy text me back saying he was talking to a girl I had met a few weeks ago at a Red Bull party and she was asking about me, as it turns out, she was asking about me and Vince in general, but by this point I was outside and walking home……

Saturday I was supposed to play in the Back to the Cause Trivia Night but I couldn’t get a team together, so what do I do instead doing a charity event, I go to the boat, Lumiere actually to meet up with Cosmo Boy and Vince. I had a good run at Roulette and doubled my money, it was before midnight so I hit the refreshment center and got my free Sprite, it was free this time, it hadn’t cost me $150 this time………. Cosmo Boy got a text from a rep he works with, she was at PT’s Sports Cabaret watching midget wrestling, damnit, I didn’t get the memo that was going on….. So to celebrate my accomplishment, after midnight rolled around, I had a Red Bull and vodka, I toasted my friends to the end of Lent, took a sip of the Red Bull, looked at the drink and said, “I missed you”

Midnight on Sunday marked the end of my journey of fasting and atonement. This year I gave up Alcohol, Caffeine and Energy Drinks. When people hear what I gave up, they all roughly said the same things, “What the hell is wrong with you?” “Are you into punishing yourself?” and my personal favorite “You will never make it, you’ll break…..” Well the good news is I made it the full time without breaking, I came close a few times to breaking, but never broke…….. Well almost did on St Pat’s Day, my buddy was having a party and said he would break open the Johnny Walker Blue Label if I would drink some of it, keep in mind I have been trying to get him to open that bottle for oh, 8 yrs…… He didn’t though